i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
