two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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