he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
