lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
