Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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