is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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