last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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