You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
