his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
