Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
