I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
