You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
