I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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