my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
