listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
