i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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