I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
not ubering you a puppy
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
