I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
be right there i have to get my cape
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