Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
