Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
