Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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