Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Help. Why am I so naked?
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