Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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