went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
