I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
