why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
