Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
