I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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