The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
