the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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