Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
