so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize