Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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