i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
