i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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