my phone cant type all the emotion im having
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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