Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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