i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
