He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
