So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
