you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
