I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
