i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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