I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
