just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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