I'm eating all of the evidence.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
