My nipple is on Facebook.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
