you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
