Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
