Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
