In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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