I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
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