Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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