I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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