Quick, to the slutcave!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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