why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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