Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
