You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
