sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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