I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
