I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize