I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
