There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
