if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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