My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
