it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize