I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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