She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
