Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
