I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
