so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
