the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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