i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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