there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
