How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
