i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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