do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
