Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
